


It's Five O'Clock Somewhere

by tarnishedpeonies



Series: Will Write Trailbreaker For Free [5]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Alcohol, Calling For a Ride, Drunkenness, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 19:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30110727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tarnishedpeonies/pseuds/tarnishedpeonies
Summary: Trailbreaker gets a friend home safely, and then has a talk with Prowl about new safety regulations.[Trailbreaker Week Day 3: DUI]
Series: Will Write Trailbreaker For Free [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2164989
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10
Collections: Trailbreaker Week 2021





	1. Chapter 1

It’d been a month or so after volunteering for the M.A.D.D. event at Spike’s high school. Trailbreaker was ninety percent certain Spike was embarrassed by his participation since he hadn’t talked to Breaker since. That was okay, according to Ratchet. Human adolescents sometimes needed time and space and didn’t know how to handle or process difficult subjects. It hadn’t prevented Trailbreaker from making the offer to drive any of the humans the Autobots collectively knew home if they found themselves drunk somewhere.

What surprised Trailbreaker was tonight someone had taken him up on the offer. Sparkplug, of all people! At least he was legally able to drink according to the humans’ laws, but Trailbreaker didn’t think of Sparkplug as the type.

He reminded himself not to judge as Trailbreaker pulled up to the Ugly Salmon Saloon and stared at the signage for a long moment. Reminding himself not to judge a second time, Breaker flashed his high beams once and waited, since he couldn’t transform and walk in looking for his human friend.

It took a minute for anyone to come out, and the first person who did was quick about it, cussing at the black SUV for flashing light directly into his eyes. The second one that came out was Sparkplug, and he looked fine. Or, more accurately based on what he learned while coordinating with M.A.D.D., he wasn’t swaying on his feet or stumbling, and he took even steps towards Trailbreaker’s passenger side. Of course, that _also_ didn’t mean anything, he’d learned in his time with them. Maybe Sparkplug just wanted someone to talk to?

When the human opened up the passenger side door and climbed in, Trailbreaker could smell it. No matter his even steps or calm demeanor, Sparkplug Witwicky was drunk off his ass. A term he’d learned, again while coordinating with the M.A.D.D. organization, though he got the feeling that term was less than publicly acceptable.

Breaker waited until Sparkplug was buckled in before backing out slowly and heading along the road. “You all right there, Sparks?”

Silence answered him first, followed by a long delayed, “I’m good Breaker. Just fine. Whose asking?”

“Well, me,” Trailbreaker provided. “I mean, you don’t look it but you smell pretty drunk based on what I’m getting from the internal intake.” In fact, Breaker switched to the exterior intake to pull air in from the outside. It would be a little colder than the interior air, but well within the ‘will not hurt humans’ bounds. The smell of skunk and wild was a vast improvement.

“Yeah,” Sparkplug replied. “I was just going with some coworkers for a drink after work. Spike has that science project he’s working on with Wheeljack, and then he’s got calculus,” he paused, “tutoring,” and again, “with Perceptor. I didn’t think it would hurt.”

In theory, Sparkplug was right. That left a lot of unanswered questions regardless. “So, what happened at the bar? I mean. How did you drink so much?”

Sparkplug put a hand over his face and laughed. “Honestly, Breaker? The - same thing that always happens when I go out to drink. I thought it’d be different since I’m older,” he slurred a little before frowning and clearing his throat. “I used to do this a lot more before I met Spike’s mother and was a lot younger. Social drinking. Problem is,” he frowned. “I, think the problem is I’m _too_ social.”

Breaker couldn’t claim to understand that, but he listened, and processed. “So you don’t really drink except around other people who are drinking, but when you drink around other people who are drinking you drink too much?”

“Yeah, that about sums it up,” Sparkplug agreed. “It’s been a long time and I guess my tolerance is lower now. I didn’t even realize what time it was until I decided to close my tab and saw the receipt,” he trailed off quietly. “I drank a lot. And after what Spike told me about the presentation, I just,” he stopped. “Thought it’d be best to call you. So. Thank you, for picking me up, Breaker.”

A warm feeling evened his emotions and Breaker couldn’t help smiling to himself. “Hey, I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t mean it, Sparks. I’d much rather you be safe and alive.” Despite the angle of the presentation, he’d read the data. Not all drunk drivers killed others. Especially in parts of the country like this where the roads were windy and lined with things like boulders and trees, sometimes they hurt or killed themselves. It wasn’t ideal by any means, but the M.A.D.D. representative he’d worked with didn’t care. He’d guessed because it wasn’t as big a deal to them if a drunk driver killed themselves.

Even a drunk driver had family and friends, though, just like Breaker’s drunk passenger now. It didn’t excuse their choices or the potential consequences, but it was still sad to Trailbreaker. He decided to change the subject. “So, did someone get a promotion?” Humans drank to celebrate, right? It wasn’t an unfamiliar concept.

“No,” Sparkplug sat up a little straighter in his seat. “But Jimmy’s getting married, and since he and his girlfriend don’t want a big wedding he wanted to have a small bachelor party, just he and his friends from work,” he laughed. “I think though, his friends from work might be his closest friends. Anyways, we each bought him one drink and,” Sparkplug paused again and shook his head. “Wow. I can’t believe I drank that much.”

“I hope all your friends had a way to get home safely?” Breaker couldn’t imagine a whole crew of drunk oil rig workers!

“I know Chuck doesn’t drink anymore, he’s on the program now,” Sparkplug paused. “I know he drove Jimmy home. I don’t know about the others,” he admitted. “I was the last one to leave, because I couldn’t remember the base’s number at first,” he shook his head. “I got through eventually though. Thanks for picking me up, Breaker. I think I’m just going to close my eyes, now.”

Well, it was one less drunk driver on the road tonight, Breaker decided as Sparkplug pressed himself into Trailbreaker’s seat for a nap. It would have to do. “Sounds good, buddy. Just let me know if you need me to pull over on the way back, okay?” An affirmative sound answered him and Trailbreaker kept driving.


	2. Chapter 2

Trailbreaker didn’t know why he was summoned to Prowl’s office in the Ark, small and cramped as it was. He reported to Prowl as needed but was rarely called back for meetings. When he arrived it was just the two of them, and Prowl had him sit. It was well organized, better than the first time Breaker saw it after the crash, but still barely serviceable. Several shelves of data pads lined the walls, Prowl had a small berth stuffed behind his seat at the desk, and there was the seat Trailbreaker sat on.

“How can I help?” Breaker didn’t know what the meeting was about, and blurted out his question to get things started. He didn’t like how Prowl drew things out; he didn’t think it was on _purpose_ but Prowl still did it.

Prowl looked up from the data pad he was staring at and straightened his posture. “Thank you for coming, Trailbreaker. I understand you recently escorted Sparkplug Witwicky home from a drinking establishment in order to prevent him from driving while inebriated. Is that correct?”

Staring for a moment, Breaker reset his optics and sat back. “I drove him home because he called me. He knew he was too drunk to drive and I’d made the offer awhile ago,” Trailbreaker stated. “But yeah. I didn’t want him driving drunk, and I’m glad he had the sense to call for a ride.” Trailbreaker didn’t know where this was going. Was Prowl mad? Upset, other than mad? Was he going to yell at Trailbreaker for ‘wasting Autobot resources’ on driving a drunk man home when he could have called a cab?

Putting the data pad down, Prowl pressed his hands on the desk top for a moment, locking optics with Trailbreaker. “It’s come to my attention that we as Autobots don’t have any regulations bearing on the matter.”

Staring, Breaker tried to piece together Prowl’s meaning. “We don’t have any regulations on the matter of - driving drunk friends home?”

“On driving drunk,” Prowl clarified, which relaxed Trailbreaker an iota.

“Well it’s pretty rare we have anything to drink but energon,” Trailbreaker pointed out. He knew sometimes Sideswipe and Sunstreaker managed to rig up a still out of nothing and refine some high-grade, but it was rare and it wasn’t enough for the Autobots to completely debauch themselves over. For the best.

Prowl cycled in deeply, and nodded. “Be that as it may, if we are going to be in adherence with local jurisdictions and cooperate with them, we should have regulations resembling their laws as well. Not to mention punishments to go along with it,” it looked like he frowned but Trailbreaker couldn’t tell. It could have just been Prowl’s deep concentration. “So I wanted to speak to you about the matter, to get an idea of what you experienced driving Sparkplug home.”

What could he say? “I mean, it was pretty uneventful, Prowl. I picked Sparks up at the bar with the horrible name,” Hound had gotten a laugh out of it, “he got in the passenger side so no one would mistake him for a driver, and after a short talk he fell asleep. He slept the whole way home, didn’t wake up once,” which Trailbreaker had been proud of at the time! There were some potholes he didn’t see in time, but his ride was smooth enough to keep the older Witwicky asleep. “I did have to honk to get him up once we were back at his home,” Breaker admitted, “but he thanked me, went inside, and - I presume went back to sleep.”

They’d seen Sparkplug around since then. He was alive and seemed to function all right after the drink had worn off.

“Hm. That does sound uneventful, but you were sober at the time so I would expect nothing less.”

It felt like a compliment, but Breaker wasn’t sure he should accept it. “Thank you?”

Prowl didn’t flinch. “My initial impression of the matter is no Autobot should be drunk outside a half mile radius of the Ark. I initially considered the Ark only, but Jazz pointed out that you, Hound, and the Dinobots would be unhappy trapped in doors while inebriated. Actually, my initial consideration was that no one _should_ be drunk, but I am aware of at least two parties involving high-grade since we came out of stasis on Earth and were able to establish ourselves.”

Well, that was two more parties than Trailbreaker had been invited to, which wasn’t a surprise. “Um. Okay,” Trailbreaker could see the reasoning. There wasn’t much within a half mile that they could do damage to.

“However, I also believe that using your root mode to walk outside that half-mile while drunk should count under drunk driving, as we are essentially still vehicles.”

Trailbreaker wasn’t sure he heard that right. He paused, reset his vocalizer, but couldn’t find the words to express himself. “What?”

Prowl laced his fingers together on his desk, looking at Trailbreaker. “The Autobots being within a specific radius of the Ark in order to ensure the safety of themselves and others is fine. But I wouldn’t want anyone getting the idea that it would be okay to walk out of the set bounds instead of driving, if the statute passed is considered a drunk _driving_ law.”

“You want to arrest us for walking around while drunk? You can’t be serious,” Trailbreaker sputtered, having to reset his vocalizer again.

Helmet tilting slightly, Prowl frowned a little. “In the past four million years you’ve known me, have you ever heard me tell a joke?”

Starting with another answer, Breaker stopped cold before managing, “Not on _purpose_. But Prowl, I’m not saying we don’t need regulations and policies, but without seeing how they effect our living on Earth maybe we could leave some wiggle room until we do know, and uh - reevaluate when we have better data?”

His icy optics watched Trailbreaker for a long moment, before humming. “Perhaps. Thank you for your time, Trailbreaker.”

Dismissed, Breaker walked down the hallway thinking about the proposed regulation. The twins wouldn’t be open to listening to him, but if he told _Mirage_ that something might be coming down the pipe, Mirage could probably put a word in with them, and maybe get Trailbreaker invited to a party. For once.


End file.
